i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
