I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
