Tell her she can't have a vagina
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
