Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
