So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
