i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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