P.S. I can't hear my feet
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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