Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
