I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Nobody cheats on THIS.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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