We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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