We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
