After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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