#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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