"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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