i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
