do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
