i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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