Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i barfeds in our rink
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
