She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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