getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
