I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
