Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He? As in you personified your dick?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize