so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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