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Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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