everyone is single if you try hard enough
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
