I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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