is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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