she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's shark week go big or go home
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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