so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
