Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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