I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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