Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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