Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
