did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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