Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
