I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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