What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
