She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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