She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
