Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't deserve a penis
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
