U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize