she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well I just put wine in my tea
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
