I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
