Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
