I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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