I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm way too hungover for life right now
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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