Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
