i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize