does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
