she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
