Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
