He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
