This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
