i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
