Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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