I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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