I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
