2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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