She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize