why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
