I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize