I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
