Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize