im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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