You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
