the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
