I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
