I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
