i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize