Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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