he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
