i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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