New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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