I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize