My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
do nipples grow back?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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