I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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