Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
