she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am one with the molecules
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I deserve this hangover.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
