He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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