No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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