and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
try to milk me bitch
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
